Books - Quotes from The Sorcerer's Stone

Welcome to the Quotes section of Books. These are some of my favorite quotes. Most of them are funny. These are from The Sorcerer's (or Philosopher's) Stone.

"...Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground...."
-Dumbledore

"The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it-it might be sick."
-Harry making fun of Dudley

Harry: "I never know, what's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?"
Hagrid: "Stalagmite's got an 'm' in it. An' don't ask me questions just now, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"I'm not Fred, I'm George. Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? Can't you tell I'm George?"
"Sorry, George, dear,"
"Only joking, I am Fred,"

"So we've just got to try on the hat! I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll."
-Ron (Sorting Ceremony)

"Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"
-Dumbledore

"I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed-or worse, expelled. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to bed."

-Hermione

Harry: "Er-have the Bludgers ever killed anyone?"
Oliver: "Never at Hogwarts. We've had a couple of broken jaws but nothing more than that. Now, the last member of the team is the Seeker. That's you. And you don't have to worry about the Quaffle or the Bludgers-"
Harry: "-unless they crack my head open."
Oliver: "Don't worry, the Weasley's are more than a match for the Bludgers-I mean, they're a pair of human Bludgers themselves."

"You're saying it wrong. It's Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa, make the 'gar' nice and long."
-Hermione Correcting Ron

"And the Quaffle is taken immediately by Angelina Johnson of Gryffindor-what an excellent Chaser that girl is, and rather attractive, too-"
"JORDAN!"
"Sorry, Professor."

"You haven't got a letter on yours, I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge."
-George

"One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."
-Dumbledore

"It bit me! I'm not going to be able to hold a quill for a week. I tell you, that dragon's the most horrible animal I've ever met, but the way Hagrid goes on about it, you'd think it was a fluffy little bunny rabbit. When it bit me he told me off for frightening it. And when I left, he was singing it a lullaby."
-Ron

"You can pretend to be waiting for Professor Flitwick, you know. 'Oh Professor, I'm so worried, I think I got question fourteen b wrong...'"
-Ron mocking Hermione

Hermione: "Devil's Snare, Devil's Snare...what did Professor Sprout say? -it likes the dark and the damp-"
Harry: "So light a fire!"
Hermione: "Yes-of course-but there's no wood!"
Ron: "HAVE YOU GONE MAD? ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?"

"What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally, the whole school knows. I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley are responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you. Madam Pomfrey, however, felt it might not be very hygienic, and confiscated it."
-Dumbledore

"They don't know we're not allowed to use magic at home. I'm going to have a lot of fun with Dudley this summer..."
-Harry