Quotes
Welcome to Quotes from The Chamber of Secrets. These are my favorite quotes from the book. Most of them are funny. There are a lot so....enjoy!
"Yeah, Dad's crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed's full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he'd have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad."
                                              -Fred Weasley
"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes, like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods..."
                          -Ron
"Yes, Arthur, cars. Imagine a wizard buying a rusty old car and telling his wife all he wanted to to with it was take it apart to see how it worked, while really he was enchanting it to make it fly."
                                                   -Mrs. Weasley
"...everyone thinks he's so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick-"
         -Draco Malfoy
"But you're Muggles! We must have a drink! What's that you've got there? Oh, you're exchanging Muggle money. Molly, look!"
                    -Mr. Weasley (to Hermione's parents)
"Most unfortunately, you are not in my House and the decision to expel you does not rest with me. I shall go and fetch people who do have that happy power."
                -Snape punishing Harry and Ron  
 
"You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."
                -Ron                                 
"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent."
           -Hermione insulting Malfoy
"Harry, gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I've heard you've bin givin' out signed photos. How come I haven't got one?"
                                             -Hagrid
"Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that."
                             -Gilderoy Lockhart
"But you would think that getting hit forty-five times in the neck with ablunt axe would qualify you to join the Headless Hunt?"
                         -Nearly Headless Nick
"It's not funny. If you must know, when I was three, Fred turned my-my teddy bear into a great big filthy spider because I broke his toy broomstick...You wouldn't like them either if you'd been holding your bear and suddenly it had too many legs and..."
                                               -Ron
"...I'm drinking nothing with Crabbe's toenails in it-"
                    -Ron
Oliver: "Slytherin has better brooms than us. No point denying it. But we've got better people on our brooms. We've trained harder than they have, we've been flying in all weathers-"
George: "Too true, I haven't been properly dry since August."
Lockhart: "Not to worry, Harry. I'm about to fix your arm."
Harry: "No!  I'll keep it like this, thanks..."
Harry: "You haven't seen Ron or Hermione, have you?"
Percy: "No, I haven't. I hope Ron's not in another girls' toilet...."
"You know what, Harry? If he doesn't stop trying to save your life he's going to kill you."
                              -Ron
(about Dobby)
"D'you want to tell me what's wrong with stopping a massive snake biting off Justin's head? What does it matter how I did it as long as Justin doesn't have to join the headless Hunt?"
                                        -Harry
"It's not possible to live with the Dursleys and not hate them,"
                       -Harry
Fred and George: "Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..."
Percy: "It is not a laughing matter,"
Fred: "Oh, get out of the way, Percy. Harry's in a hurry.
George: "Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant."
"Hang on. We'd better not all drink them in here...Once we turn into Crabbe and Goyle we won't fit. And Millicent Bulstode's no pixie."
          -Harry (about the Polyjuice Potion)
"Is Lockhart the smarmiest bloke you've ever met, or what?"
                      -Ron
"I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me...Help will always be given at Hogwarts to thse who ask for it."
                                   -Dumbledore
Ron: "Professor Dumbledore, there was an accident down in the Chamber of Secrets. Professor Lockhart-"
Lockhart: "Am I a Professor? Goodness. I expect I was hopeless, was I?"
Ron: "He tried to do a Memory Charm and the wand backfired."
Dumbledore: "Dear me. Impaled upon your own sword, Gilderoy!"
Lockhart: " Sword? Haven't got a sword. That boy has, though. He'll lend you one."
"...It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities,"
                          -Dumbledore
"We'll be needing another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher...Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?"
                                 -Dumbledore
Hermione: "You aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they? When they hear what you did this year?"
Harry: "Proud? Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious..."