Books - Quotes from The Prisoner of Azkaban

Welcome to the Quotes section of Books. These are some of my favorite quotes. Most of them are funny. These are found in The Prisoner of Azkaban.

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!!

"Famous Harry Potter and all that. I'd hate to see what the Ministry'd do to me if I blew up an aunt. Mind you, they'd have to dig me up first, because Mum would've killed me."
-Ron

"What are you doing taking Muggle studies for? You're Muggle-born! Your mum and dad are Muggles! You already know all about Muggles!"
-Ron to Hermione

Ron-"You bought that monster?"
Hermione-"He's gorgeous, isn't he?"
Ron-"Hermione, that thing nearly scalped me!"
Hermione-"He didn't mean to, did you, Crookshanks?"

Fred-"How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?"
Mr. Weasley-"The Ministry's providing a couple of cars."
Percy" Why?"
George-"It's because of you, Perce. And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-"
Fred-"-for Humongous Bighead."

Madam Pofrey-"Setting dementors around a school. He won't be the last one who collapses. Yes, he's all clammy. Terrible things, they are, and the effect they have on people who are already delicate-"
Harry-"I'm not delicate!"
Madam Pomfrey-"Of course your not."

"Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross....That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering'-sorry about that- but there's a thing that could be the sun...hang on...that means 'great happiness'...so you're going to suffer but be very happy...."
-Harry (reading Ron's tea leaves)

"You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don't let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in."
-Professor McGonagall

"There you are, then. They see the grim and die of fright. The Grim's not an omen, it's the cause of death! And Harry's still wth us because he's not stupid enough to see one and think, right, well, I'd better kick the bucket then!"
-Hermione

"It's always best to have company when you're dealing with a boggart. He becomes confused. Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug? I once saw a boggart make that very mistake-tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening.
-Professor Lupin

"When the boggart bursts out of this wardrobe, Neville, and sees you, it will assume the form of Professor Snape. And you will raise your wand-thus-and cry 'Riddikulus'-and concentrate hard on your grandmother's clothes. If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag."
-Professor Lupin

"Gryffindor hasn't won for seven years now. Okay, so we've had the worst luck in the world-injuries-then the tournament getting called off last year....But we also know we've got the best-ruddy-team-in-the-school,"
-Oliver

"They make a fuss about Hogsmeade, but I assure you, Harry, it's not all it's cracked up to be. All right, the sweetshop's rather good, and Zonko's Joke Shop's frankly dangerous, and yes, the Shrieking Shack's always worth a visit, but really, Harry, apart from that, you're not missing anything."
-Percy

"D'you know what that--is making me do? I've got to scrub out the bedpans in the hospital wing. Without magic! Why couldn't Black have hidden in Snape's office, eh? He could have finished him off for us!"
-Ron

"Well...when we were in our first year, Harry-young, carefree, and innocent-"
"-well, more innocent than we are now-we got in to a spot of bother with Filch."
"We let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason-"
"So he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual-"
"-detention-"
"-disembowelment-"
-Fred and George

"Seen the Fizzing Whizbees, Harry? And the Jelly Slugs? And the Acid Pops? Fred gave me one of those when I was seven-it burt a hole right through my tongue. I remember Mum walloping him with her broomstick. Reckon Fred'd take a bit of Cockroach Cluster if I told him they were peanuts?"
-Ron

Professor Trelawney-"My Dears! Whch of you left his seat first? Which?
Ron-"Dunno,"
Professor McGonagall-"I doubt it will make a difference, unless a mad axe-man is waiting outside the doors to slaughter the first into the entrance hall."

"Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She -er- got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about you staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first. Honestly, the way she was yelling at me...you'd think I'd said something terrible..."
-Oliver Wood

"Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you."
-Harry (about Malfoy's broom)

Snape-"Mr. Malfoy saw an extraordinary apparition. Can you imagine what it might have been, Potter?"
Harry-"No,"
Snape-"It was your head, Potter. Floating in midair."
Harry-"Maybe he'd better go to Madam Pomfrey. If he's seeing things like-"
Snape-"What would your head have been doing in Hogsmead, Potter? Your head is not allowed in Hogsmead. No part of your body has permission to be in Hogsmead."
Harry-"I know that. It sounds like Malfoy's having hallucin-"
Snape-"Malfoy is not having hallucinations."

"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."

Professor Trelawney-"Would anyone like me to help them interpret the shdowy portents within their orb?"
Ron-"I don't need help. It's obvious what this means. There's going to be loads of fog tonight."

"Too bad boys! You'll need to get up earlier than that to beat a Firebolt! And it's Gryffindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle-Flint alongside her-poke him in the eye, Angelina!-it was a joke Professor, it was a joke-oh no-Flint in possession, Flint flying toward the Gryffindor goal posts, come on now, Wood save-!
-Lee Jordan

"Hermione, I don't know what's gotten into you lately! First you hit Malfoy, then you walk out on Professor Trelawney-"
-Ron

Hermione-"NO! Harry, don't trust him, he's been helping Black get into sthe castle, he wants you dead too-he's a werewolf !"
Professor Lupin-"Not at all up to your usual standards, Hermione. Only one out of three, I'm afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don't want Harry dead... But I won't deny that I am a werewolf."

"My tranformations in those days were-were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumor... Even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it..."
-Professor Lupin

"But apart from my transformations, I was happier than ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black...Peter Pettigrew..and, of course, your father, Harry-James Potter."
-Professor Lupin

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED! DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"
-Sirius Black (to Peter Pettigrew)

Sirius-"But I'm also-I don't know if anyone ever told you-I'm your godfather."
Harry-"Yeah, I knew that,"
Sirius-"Well... your parents appointed me your guardian. If anything happened to them... I'll understand, of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle. But...well...think about it. Once my name's cleared...if you wanted a... a different home..."
Harry-"What-live with you? Leave the Dursleys?"
Sirius-"Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to. I understand, I just thought I'd-"
Harry-"Are you insane? Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"

"...Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives. That was the final straw for Severus. I think the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he-er-accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast."
-Professor Lupin

"Who'd of thought it? That brings her total of real predictions up to two. I should offer her a pay raise..."
-Professor Dumbledore (on Professor Trelawney)

"The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed...Professor Trelawney, bless her, is living proof of that...You did a very noble thing, in saving Pettigrew's life."
-Professor Dumbledore

"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly then ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of him. How else could you produce that particular Patronus? Prongs rode again last night."
-Professor Dumbledore

Ron-"Yeah, I've been thinking abpuit them too. Harry you've got to come and stay with us. I'll fix it up with Mum and Dad, then I'll call you. I know how to use a fellytone now-"
Hermione-"A telephone, Ron. Honetly, you should take Muggle Studies next year...."

"He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...."
-Harry (to the Dursleys, about Sirius)