Books - Quotes from The Goblet of Fire

Welcome to the Quotes section of Books. These are some of my favorite quotes. Most of them are funny. These are from The Goblet of Fire. WARNING: May Contain Spoilers

"You know your mother, Malfoy? That expression she's got, like she's got dung under her nose? Has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?"
-Harry

"Imagine if Moody turned Snape into a horned toad and bounced him all around his dungeon..."
-Ron

Dean: "I still can't work out how you two got the best looking girls in our year,"
Ron: "Animal magnetism,"

"Just because it's taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one else has spotted I'm a girl!"
-Hermione

(The Weasley's are stuck in the Dursley's fireplace)
Ron: "What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?"
Fred: "Oh no, Ron. No, is exactly where we to end up."
George: "Yeah, we're having the time of our lives

"They run off eckeltricity, do they? Ah yes, I can see the plugs. I collect plugs, and batteries. Got a very large collection of batteries. My wife thinks I'm mad, but there you are."
-Arthur Weasley

"I didn't give him anything. I just dropped it... It was his fault he went and ate it, I never told him to."
-Fred

Fred: "We didn't give it to him because he's a Muggle!
George: "No, we gave it to him because he's a great bullying git, isn't he Harry?"
Harry: "Yeah, he is, Mr. Weasley!"

"Enjoying it? I don't reckon he'd come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him onto the subject of his boss. According to Mr. Crouch...as I was saying to Mr. Crouch... Mr. Crouch is of the opinion...Mr. Crouch was telling me... They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."
-Ron (about Percy and his job)

Mrs. Weasley: "...with a horrible fang on it. Really, Bill, what do they say at the bank?"
Bill: "Mum, no one at the bank gives a damn how I dress as long as I bring home plenty of treasure."
Mrs. Weasley: "And your hair's getting silly, dear. I wish you'd let me give it a trim...."
Ginny: "I like it. You're so old fashioned, Mum. Anyway, it's nowhere as long as Professor Dumbledore's...."

Percy: "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."
Fred: "Yeah, someone moight slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?"
Percy: "That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway! It was nothing personal!"
Fred: "It was, we sent it."

Archie: "I bought this in a Muggle shop. Muggles wear them."
Ministry Wizard: "Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these,"
Archie: "I'm not putting them on, I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks."

Percy: "Mr. Crouch? He speaks over two hundred! Mermish and Gobbledegook and Troll..."
Fred: "Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt."

Percy: "It's classified information, until such time as the Ministry decides to release it. Mr. Crouch was quite right not to disclose it."
Fred: "Oh shut up, Weatherby."

"Wild! I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again...and again...and again..."
-Ron

"And that, boys, is why you should never go for looks alone!"
-Mr. Weasley (about the veela)

Bulgarian Minister: "Vell, ve fought bravely,"
Fudge: "You can speak English! And you've been letting me mime everything all day!"
Bulgarian Ministry: "Vell, it vos very funny."

"Did I tell you I've invented a broomstick that'll reach Jupiter?"
-Ron (impressing the veela)

"If Dad hadn't said anything, old Rita would just have said is was disgraceful that nobody from the Ministry had commented. Rita Skeeter never makes anyone look good. Remember, she interviewed Gringotts' Charm Breakers once, and called me 'a long-haired pillock'?"
-Bill

Mrs. Weasley: "You're not by any chance writing out a new order form, are you? You wouldn't be thinking of restarting Weasleys' Wizard Weezes, by any chance?"
Fred: "Now, Mum, if the Hogwarts Express crashed tomorrow, and George and I died, how would you feel to know that the last thing we ever heard from you was an unfounded accusation?"

Ron: "I'm never wearing them. Never."
Mrs. Weasley: "Fine. Go naked. And, Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I could do with a laugh." (about Ron's dress robes)

George: "Mad-Eye Moody? Isn't he that nutter-"
Mrs. Weasley: "Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody."
Fred: "Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he? Birds of a feather..."

"Ah, think of the possibilities. It would've been so easy to push Malfoy off a glacier and make it look like an accident....Shame his mother likes him...."
-Ron

"I am not joking, Mr. Weasley, though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag and a leprechaun who all go into a bar..."
-Dumbledore

"Well, I can certainly see why we're trying to keep them alive. Who wouldn't want pets that can burn, sting and bite all at once?"
-Draco Malfoy (about the Blast-Ended Skrewts)

"Aaaaah, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry...."
-Ron

McGonagall: "Professor Moody!"
Moody: "Hello, Professor McGonagall."
McGonagall: "What-what are you doing?"
Moody: "Teaching."
McGonagall: "Teach- Moody, is that a student?"
Moody: "Yep."
McGonagall: "No! Moody, we never use Transfiguration as a punisement! Surely Professor Dumbledore told you that?"
Moody: "He might've mentioned it, yeah, but I thought a good sharp shock-" (about bouncing ferret Malfoy around)

"Because I want to fix that in my memory forever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."
-Ron

Harry: "Diggory. He must be entering the tournament."
Ron: "That idiot, Hogwarts champion?"
Hermione: "He's not an idiot. You just don't like him because he beat Gryffindor at Quidditch. I've heard he's a really good student-and he's a prefect."
Ron: "You only like him because he's handsome."
Hermione: "Excuse me, I don't likr people just because they're handsome!"
Ron (coughing): "Lockhart!"

"I did warn you. I suggest you both go up to Madam Pomfrey. She is already tending to Miss Fawcett, of Ravenclaw, and Mr. Summer, of Hufflepuff, both of whom decided to age themselves up a little too. Though I must say, neither of their beards is anything like as fine as yours."
-Dumbledore (to Fred and George)

"...I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing...maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry."
-George (about the egg clue)

"It'd be a bit more impressive if she hadn't done it about eighty times before. But if I'd dropped dead every time she's told me I'm going to, I'd be a medical miracle."
-Harry

"...Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."
-Ron

George: "Ron, can we borrow Pigwidgeon?"
Ron: "No, he's off delivering a letter. Why?"
Fred: "Because George wants to invite him to the ball."

"Yeah, I don't fancy walking around with a periscope sticking out of my head. I s'pose I could always attack someone in front of Moody; he might do it for me...."
-Harry (planning for the second task)

Harry: "What're you doing here, Sirius?"
Sirius: "Fulfilling my duty as godfather. Don't worry about it, I'm pretending to be a loveable stray."

"Poor old Snuffles. He must really like you, Harry.... Imagine having to live off rats."
-Ron

"Can't we kidnap Mrs. Norris. Let's Stun her for a bit. Or you could Dobby, Harry, I bet he'd do anything to help you. I'm not complaining or anything but I'm aching all over...."
-Ron (helping Harry)

"Now...who'd like ter come an' visit the las' skrewt with me? I was jokin'-jokin'!"
-Hagrid

George: "Interesting effect. Who used the Furnunculus Curse?"
Harry: "Me."
George: "Odd, I used Jelly-Legs. Looks as though those two shouldn't be mixed. He seems to have sprouted little tentacles all over his face. Well, let's not leave them here, they don't add much to the decor." (about Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle)